You might be in a Texas Church

You might be in a Texas church if.....

• The doors are never locked.
• The call to worship is "Ya'll come on in!"
• People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
• The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
• A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."
• In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves".
• Never in its 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
• When it rains, everybody's smiling.
• Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
• The church directory doesn't have last names.
• The pastor wears boots.
• Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
• The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
• There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
• There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
• Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
• You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
• High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot in the back of pickups to howling.
• People wonder when Jesus fed the 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
• It's not Heaven but you can see Heaven from here.
• The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come on back now, ya hear!"