Don't be Lame

"And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word." I Kings 18:21

I'm wrestling with some things. Trying to settle some things in my heart… my head… my life. I was reading some verses in my Bible that applied and I remembered this one. Something struck me this time that I had never thought of before. That word "halt" is the same word that often is used as a biblical synonym for lame. Elijah asked the people how long they were going to limp back and forth between two opinions.

Several years ago, I experienced a series of events that were difficult. In seeking Bible answers that time, I clung to Hebrews 12, especially verse 13: "And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed." I worked on following straight ways while I regained my strength. Much like a sprained ankle, my heart was wounded and needed support while it healed.

I don't want to be lame. I don't want to be turned out of the way. I don't want to halt between two opinions. I want to follow the LORD.

Family Traits

My grandfather was the king of yarn-spinners. Everyone, even us grandkids called him Sug because he was so sweet but he could tell a tale. Do you know that once he once drove from his home in Kansas City, Missouri to our home in Texas (a trip of 730 miles) without stopping ONCE!? Every traffic light on the way was green! Then there was the time at he was the cook at Boy Scout camp and they ran out of food so he had to go hunting. They had lion and bear and.... There is definitely a "lyin" in that story.

My mom picked up the tradition where Sug left off. She swore to her dying day that there was a crow in her neighborhood that had a 5-foot wingspan. (The common crow has a wingspan maximum of about two feet.)

So it was, that my mother was so very excited when the mantle of yarn-spinner fell on her grandson. My nephew Bryan was about 5 when we took him and his younger brother Chris on an outing in the country. We went to a blueberry patch and picked blueberries. After that we drove around and looking at scenery. We passed a side road and Bryan asked why we couldn't go down that road. My Hero was teasing him and told him it was dangerous to go down that road because there were cows that ate cars.

The story exploded from there. When we got home, Bryan ran to his Nanny and told her that he saw cows eating cars. This one cow even ate a minivan! Upon hearing the story, my mother embraced him and declared "My boy!!!"

Who knew that Bryan was right and somewhere, there really must be car-eating cows?

I have a scar

On the inside of my upper right arm, there is a tiny little scar. It's only about a centimeter across. Three years ago today, I joyfully left the hospital in time to go home for Christmas. After cheating death a couple of times in the previous three weeks, I was so happy to go home.

But I went home with a PIC line. It's a semi-permanent IV. Twice a day, I had to hook myself up to IV medication to continue to fight the fungal buggies and infection that had invaded my body and my blood.

It seems like such a long time ago now but for almost two months, I had that tube in my arm. I learned to clean it and care for it and avoid pulling on it accidentally.

Now there is only the scar. It is a reminder of so many things. Most of all, it reminds me to be thankful for each and every day.

My car got smacked in the parking lot of the grocery store this weekend. You know what? It's only a car. With the winter weather, my knee has been killing me. You know what? I am thankful I can walk!

Like anyone, I can allow myself to focus on the annoyances and inconveniences of life, but I have scars to remind me otherwise. Scars can be good.

Snowflakes

by Snowflake Bentley

My Hero is FIFTY today

THE JOYS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

10. You get into a heated argument about pension claims.

11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

14. You sing along with the elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

A Long Way From Home

I was bundling Beau up to go outside the other day: longjohns, winter socks, snow pants, mittens, hat, scarf, boots. I was struck with wonder. What was "I" doing here? I'm from the West Texas desert. Cold is below 40°!

The Christmas that I was 9, my Nanny sent us a box of presents. I excitedly opened mine and was instantly confused. I had no idea what this strange item was.


After several minute of examining the gift from every angle, I finally asked Mom. "Oh," she exclaimed, "those are ear muffs!"

"Ear what?"

"Ear muffs."

"What are they for?"

"They are for keeping your ears warm?"

"Why? Why would you need to keep your ears warm?"

I think I used them once.

☀

Once a week, I volunteer at Beau's school in a literacy program. I have a couple of second graders who I read with. We sit in the hallway and read and play some word games.

This morning, I looked down the hall and this is what I saw:

And again, I was struck. Where I'm from, this is seasonal footwear!

I really am a long way from home.

My Dogs

Brody, my 17-month old Lab/Golden Retriever mix

Birdie, my six-year-old mutt who hogs the space heater!

I never cease to wonder

Who will vacuum?

Surgery had been 5 days earlier. I wasn't recovering as quickly as I hoped, but then again I had been so sick for so long… Now I couldn't hold down food and I was running a fever. The doctor ordered a couple of tests and then they appeared in my room. She told me I needed surgery and gave me papers to sign. When I asked when, the answer was now. The orderlies wheeled me out into the hall and into an elevator while I was on my cell phone calling my Hero to tell him what was going on.

A perforated bowel… surgery… right now… get here when you can… I love you. The doctor took my phone out of my hand and talked to him for a minute.

Into the operating room we whisked. I listened to the clattering of the equipment as it was manuevered into place and watched the competent team go about their preparation. When the other doctors arrived, they called my Hero again. They muttered into the phone and then let me talk to him once more. "I love you, too."

Everything was almost ready and in those final moments before the anesthesia mask was placed over my face, I understood that this might be it. My chances of waking up in heaven were 90%.

I used to wonder what thoughts raced through your mind if you were facing death. I'm probably not normal (watch the snickering!) but I wondered if Beau would even remember me. I wondered who would take care of my Hero. I wondered who would vacuum. I also talked to Jesus for a couple of minutes. I had sinned—probably way more than my share, but I dont' konw, it just seemed insincere to go through a bunch of confession right then. I told Him I loved Him. I told Him I was ready if He was but I'd really like to stay here a bit longer.

He let me stay (obviously). Three years ago today, the anesthesia mask descended on my face and I fell asleep singing "My Lord knows the way through the wilderness…" I take so much less for granted now. Every joy, every sorrow, every smile, every tear—all are precious because every one is a bonus.

And when I vacuum, I smile.

Half Empty or Half Full?

View from my back door, Wednesday, December 9 about 7 am.

There are few things that cause me to suffer more criticism than the fact that I love the snow! Family, friends, co-workers, and even random strangers are aghast when they find out that I want it to snow in winter.

Don't get me wrong, I know the downside of the snow. I've shoveled. I've inched my way to work over snow-packed roads. Last year, I even fell and left a body mark in the snow against the side of my car and wound up under the car. But I still love it. I love every snowflake—the more the better.

I love the muffled quiet as the snow falls.

I love the sparkling sunshine when the storm is over and the sun comes out.

I love the piles of white covering the deadness of the winter grass.

I love the joy on my Beau's face when he looks out the window and sees the snow.

I love the Bible verses about snow:

Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow?

Job 38:22

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than SNOW.

Psalms 51:7

She is not afraid of the SNOW for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet.

Proverbs 31:21

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as SNOW; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Isaiah 1:18

For as the rain cometh down, and the SNOW from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

Isaiah 55:10

I love the snow because I choose to remember the things about it that I love. I don't watch the first snowflake fall and begin to worry about driving, or shoveling, or falling. My glass isn't even half full… it's overflowing!

Honest, I write lots of posts…

… in my head!

I just haven't seem to find the time to come here and type them out.

It's not even that I live some frantically busy life either. I've just been slacking.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We went to Chicago to the McDonald's Thanksgiving Day parade. We rode the Metra into downtown and Beau had the time of his life. Then on our way back home, we stopped at Popeye's Chicken and had "Thanksgiving Dinner"! We love Popeye's and there isn't one where we live.

No, really, I made turkey and all the trimmings on Friday and we just enjoyed a quiet day. No Black Friday shopping for us. We had even DVR'd the Macy's parade so we could watch it on Friday while dinner was cooking.

It snowing and freezing here today. I need to post pictures of all our adventures, but the computer I use to do that is in the basement office and it's COLD down there today. Hopefully, I'll do that when the wind isn't blasting through the cracks.

I'm going to try to post regularly. I'm still here.

Pasta Roll-ups

We had these for dinner last night and they were O-so-good!

1 egg, beaten
15 oz. Ricotta Cheese
2 cups shredded cheese (I used Mozzerella)
1 Tbsp. Italian seasoning
1 jar (26 oz.) spaghetti sauce, divided
16 lasagna noodles, cooked
1/4 cup Grated Parmesan Cheese

HEAT oven to 375ºF.

MIX first 4 ingredients until well blended.

SPREAD 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce onto bottom of 13x9-inch baking dish. Spread each noodle with 3 Tbsp. cheese mixture; roll up. Place, seam-sides down, in dish. Top with remaining sauce and Parmesan; cover.

BAKE 40 to 50 min. or until heated through, uncovering the last 10 min.

Grrr!

My Lord Knows the Way

Last night, Beau was having trouble falling asleep. I called him to my lap and he lay there for a bit while I rubbed his back and sang to him. (This is when Nana skills are necessary.)

I sang some of the same songs I have sung to him since he was born, some of the same songs I used to sing to his mother when I would scratch her back while she fell asleep.

I sang Sunday School songs. The songs I learned when I wasn't even as old as he is now. Songs that comfort my heart to this day.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

Strength for today is mine all the way

And all that I need for tomorrow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

AND

He's able! He's able! I know He's able!

I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

He's able! He's able! I know He's able!

I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

He heals the broken hearted,

And He sets the captive free.

He makes the lame to walk again,

And he makes the blind to see.

He's able! He's able! I know He's able!

I know my Lord is able to carry my through.

AND

When we walk with the Lord,

In the light of His word,

What a glory He sheds on our way.

While we do His good will,

He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey,

For there's no other way,

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey.

Beau fell asleep. I felt much better. It's a win-win.

Beau Singing

We were in the Teacher Store this weekend buying some stuff for a bulletin board I did at church (photos of that later). Beau saw this flip chart that they used in kindergarten while they were doing their color unit and sang for us!

He's growing up so fast and yet, he's still so little. Every time I play this, it makes me smile.

Word Cloud

I haven't blogged much lately. I'm working on getting back into the routine. In the meantime, here's a word cloud of the most common words on my blog.

A Giveaway

Through one blogging friend, I found a giveaway on Gene's blog! I'd love to win this Fat Quarter.

So saunter on over to Gene's blog and look around, and I guess it's okay if you enter, too, but I'm going to win!

Kindergarten Ups and Downs

Beau loves kindergarten. He's gone for five weeks and I think he's only woke up one day and wanted to stay home. That's a pretty good record.

His class has a behavior chart. It's a caterpillar that looks like this one:



All the kids start the day out with a clothespin on the green smiley segment. If they break a classroom rule, they move their clip down to the plain green section. We all deserve a second chance right. Subsequent problems move the clip on down. Yellow, orange, and red have different consequences.

Most days, Beau gets green. In fact, most days he gets "smiley-face green." But this week, he had trouble. He and a couple of other boys got in some kind of competitive tussles for a couple of days. We talked to him. My Hero went and talked to the teacher. I prayed with Beau each morning before he went to school asking Jesus to help him choose right.

And Yay!!!! Both yesterday and today, Beau came home with green. He's proud of himself and I'm thankful for the chance to watch him grow.

Those moments

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. […]"
Psalm 142: 3

We all have them. We all have those indescribable moments. The times we just could not imagine ahead of time, fathom in the moment, or describe in recollection.

I've had many of them.

When I was eleven years old, I came home one spring day to find my mother hanging from a noose made of pantyhose. She wasn't dead. She was hanging from the closet rod and the pantyhose were too stretchy. I took the scissors from her sewing machine and cut her down. She didn't look at me. She looked beyond me. I stood in that moment and finally said, "It won't work if they are stretchy." I was eleven. I didn't know what else to say. We never spoke of it again.

When I was twenty-two, I had another moment. I sat on a toilet and held the remains of what was my child born out of time. He was so very tiny. He was almost unrecognizable. But I knew who he was. I sat in stunned silence. My husband was at work and this was long before the age of cell phones. Without my husband, I said goodbye.

When I was thirty-eight, my brother burst into the church building after services on a Sunday night. When he caught sight of me, he began to wail, "Momma's dead! Momma's dead!" I thought he had suffered a nervous breakdown. My husband grabbed him and took him into a classroom. As I stood in the doorway and looked at my husband's face, time warped. An eternity took place in mere seconds. This time she was dead. I didn't know how to react.

There've been too many more moments.

I stood in the front yard while one daughter and her boyfriend told me she was pregnant.

A phone call informed me that another daughter had moved to Mexico and left no contact information.

Word came that one daughter had left college in the middle of the night with her boyfriend and no one knew where they were.

Yet another daughter cursed us and drove away. While I watched the car disappear down the street, I wondered if I would ever see her again.

One night, I lay on an operating table. The doctor handed me the phone and told me she had gotten ahold of my husband on the cell phone and I needed to talk to him before they put me under. The words weren't spoken but everyone in the room knew that it could very well be the last time he ever heard my voice or I his. When I handed the phone back to the nurse and lay back on the table waiting for the anesthesiologist to do his thing, so many moments crowded my thoughts only to give way to one... So is this it? Will I wake up in heaven?

Every one of those of moments remind me of one thing, my circumstances are just that... circumstances. They don't define me, make me, or even break me. Circumstances can reveal who I am, but they can not determine who I am.

I am a born-again child of God. In every one of those moments, I was not alone. My Father was with me upholding me with His strong right hand.

I'm forty-eight. I lived through those moments because He was with me. And He still Is.

"The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence. I will call on the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. When the waves of death compassed me, the floods of ungodly men made me afraid; The sorrows of hell compassed me about; the snares of death prevented me; In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears."
II Samuel 22:2-7

It just dawned on me

I finished another crocheted blanket for my lil'man grandson last week. I was in such a hurry to ship it off to him that I didn't even take a picture. Well, I can tell you that it was very cute and I was quite pleased with the result.

I'm currently working on three other afghans, a couple to sell on Etsy and one for a Christmas present. Hopefully, I will remember to take pictures of these.

Swimming

I'm not skinny. I don't know if I will ever be skinny, but I can lose weight. So I'm watching what I eat and I'm swimming. So, you will note the Swimming Calorie Calculator in the right column. It makes me feel better to see the "results" of my work.

It's gonna be a long road or lap lane.

But, while I'm in the pool I love it. It is so refreshing for me to have that private thought time. While going up and back (today 20 times up and back —1000 yards) I can sort through the day and things to come. I love the water and I love the solitude.

So for some time to come my morning thought is "Chlorine: the breakfast of champions."

I have a confession

It's something I've been covering up for years.

First, I used my own children as an excuse. Now I use my grandchildren. But I can't keep denying it forever.

I am a child at heart.

When I was young, I would stare for hours at the clouds, the horned toads, the spider building her web. Then I thought I had to "grow up." Grown ups didn't lie on their belly in the grass staring at clover flowers. Grown ups didn't lie under a tree fascinated by the patterns the sun made on the leaves gently dancing in the soft breeze.

I figured out, though, that grown ups could lie beside an 8-year-old daughter or a 4-year-old grandson and do those things and call it "education." But sometimes, there isn't a kid available and I stumble across something captivating.

At 48, it's time to face it.... I never lost the wonder. This cicada had just emerged from its skin and was drying its new wings before it flew away. I sat down and watched (and took pictures)... without a child anywhere around.

I loved it.

And the winner is.....

momwithboys!!!!

Send me your address and your Baby Whozit will be on the way!

Full Surrender

This was in my reading of Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles Cowman. Every verse spoke to me of things I have been contemplating lately.

Fearing to launch on "full surrender's" tide,
I asked the Lord where would its waters glide
My little bark, "To troubled seas I dread?"
"Unto Myself," He said.

Weeping beside an open grave I stood,
In bitterness of soul I cried to God:
"Where leads this path of sorrow that I tread?"
"Unto Myself," He said.

Striving for souls, I loved the work too well;
Then disappointments came; I could not tell
The reason, till He said, "I am thine all;
Unto Myself I call."

Watching my heroes--those I loved the best--
I saw them fail; they could not stand the test,
Even by this the Lord, through tears not few,
Unto Himself me drew.

Unto Himself! No earthly tongue can tell
The bliss I find, since in His heart I dwell;
The things that charmed me once seem all as naught;
Unto Himself I'm brought.
--selected

Drawing for Baby Whoozit® on Monday

Hurry and make your comments on this post and I will be drawing a winner at 10 am on Monday, August 24!

Toys from ebeanstalk and a giveaway

Picking toys is not easy and there is a toy website called ebeanstalk, dedicated to selecting good, safe baby toys. BUT they need help from moms (and Nanas) like me to help pick the toys. The toy they sent is called "Baby Whoozit®" from Manhattan Toy, who makes great developmental toys Here is the deal on this toy, not only is Baby Whoozit® soft, but he has lots of different textures, patterns and contrasts to stimulate your child. He is also small enough to tuck into a purse or diaper bag to go just about anywhere. The ribbon and velcro loop at the top make it possible to attach Baby Whoozit® to the stroller or carseat.

So make a comment on this post and Baby Whoozit will make his way to your house and your baby!

Oh, and isn't this the cutest grandbaby? My youngest guy is almost three months old already!

First Day of Kindergarten

When Beau was only two, he saw the school bus go by and he wanted to ride. He's asked and asked and asked when he could ride the "flat-nose school bus" to kindergarten.

Today was the day.

He got up early and ate his bacon and eggs. (Beau can put away the bacon and eggs!)

And here he is ready to go!

It didn't take long for him to get tired of Nana's Lens.

We all walked down the block to the bus stop to wait. My Hero and Beau talked while they walked.

And finally.... the bus was here and years of waiting had finally paid off!

He never even looked back! So now, I can't wait for him to get home and tell me how it was.

A new chapter begins.

Bits and Pieces

I haven't been blogging so much lately. Some of it is laziness. Some of it is busy-ness. Most of it is forgetfulness.

I blog in my head several times a day. Then I forget to transcribe my thoughts in electronic form. Wouldn't it be cool if you could blog by thought? (I know there's a word that means that, but I'm too tired to figure it out.)

I'm swimming laps again. I swam 1/2 a mile today. I'm planning on doing it again tomorrow.

Beau starts school in a little more than a week. I can't imagine that I'm old enough to have a grandson in school. Wow.

My Hero is still unemployed. He is going to an orientation class tomorrow to see what job training is available. In the meantime, God has sustained us. We haven't seen blinding miracles, but the cruz of oil has not failed.

Other than those things, my job is fine. No major life drama for a change. Just the daily stuff.

I like it this way.

His first love

When Beau was 18 months old, I bought him a little wind-up Thomas the Tank Engine. I had no idea what I was starting. It wasn't just a stage or a fad but a passion. Every birthday, Christmas or holiday since, he has asked for trains. Most of our outings with Beau have centered around trains. He was obsessed.

Then it happened. He asked for something else. He discovered Transformers. I smiled because he is growing up, but it was a little bittersweet. I thought that soon, the trains would find their way to the garage to be packed away with memories.

But maybe I thought too soon. Last night the news was on and he was lying in his room, supposedly falling asleep. One of the big stories in our part of the country is the hope of high speed rail connecting us to Chicago. In a flash, a little boy was standing in front of the television asking a million questions...

"What about high speed rail?" "Where will it go?" "When can we ride?" "What kind of engine will it have?"

His passion is still there.

Then this morning, on our way to preschool, we passed a trolley bus. Again, he burst with excitement but I really laughed when he said, "Nana, if you go on toytrains.com and click on trolleys, you could buy me one of those for $3!"

Pretty vivid imagination, huh?

He will grow up. He will play with other toys. He will one day leave the toy aisle for bigger and more expensive things, but I have a sneaking suspicion that even when he's a man, a train will elicit a gleam in those gorgeous brown eyes.

Adoption Day

Twenty-three years ago on this day, my Hero and I stood in a courtroom in the Tarrant County Courthouse in Fort Worth and finalized the adoption of our first child. We had brought her home when she was only a day old and on this day she was nine months old and finally, legally ours. She has blossomed into a beautiful young woman and I feel privileged to call her my friend. She is also Beau's mommy and that counts for something!

Happy Adoption Day, Girlie!

Email addresses

Some people really need to rethink their email addresses. Do you really want to send a professional email and have the recipient look at the return email addy and see "fatboy2000"? or "creeperguy"? Seriously?

Some people forget that an Internet identity still leaves an impression that could transfer to "real life".

Frustrations

The whole getting sick and just general aging thing is really getting to me. God has been so gracious to restore much of my health but I am still not able to do some things I could before I was sick.

I was walking around my house this evening wanting to do some cleaning projects that I just can't do yet. Before 2006/2007 I climbed up in a chair at least three times a year and washed my walls, especially in my kitchen. I can't climb now. Even if I could get up in the chair, I'm afraid I couldn't get down.

So what do I do? I dunno. Does anyone know how to reach up high to clean a wall when you can't climb?

Time is funny thing

Last year in June, I decided to get a job.

Three years ago in June, I started running a fever. I had no idea that the following twelve months would take me to the precipice of eternity twice.

Five years ago in June, I had just moved to Iowa. I thought my life would never be settled again. (It is wonderful now.)

Ten years ago in June, I talked to my mom on the phone at least twice a day with no thought that she would be gone from this earth in a month.

Fifteen years ago in June, we had one child and began yet another adoption journey that would lead us to adopting five more children in time.

Twenty years ago in June, my Hero was ordained into the pastorate and I became a pastor's wife. That is the subject of a whole book I'm writing.

"Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth."

—Proverbs 27:1

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

—James 4:14

He makes me smile

I'm working on a bulletin board for church based on the verses, "How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee." Psalm 139:17-18.

I had taken a piece of tan poster board, spread glue on it and then covered it with sand. While it was drying it was lying on the dining room table next to my the blue poster board covered with lacquer that is my water.

My Beau said, "Nana, this is just like a beach! But where are the people?" I told them there were no people on this beach and I left to go run an errand. When I came back, he proudly met me at the door and announced, "I fixed your beach, Nana!"

At first, my heart sank. Then I found this:

Creative little guy, isn't he?

Camping over Father's Day Weekend

We fished. We camped. We cooked. We played.

Then we went to the Quad Cities Air Show. More about that later.