I'm all alone

"And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;" 

1 Thessalonians 4:11

One of the things about the empty nest that I've really had to adjust to is that I have so much time alone. Since 1985 when my first child was born, I didn't even know what it was like to go to the bathroom alone! I certainly don't remember much time where I had the whole house to myself. Now, here I am. Alone.

I wondered what the Bible had to say about being alone. Jacob was alone and wrestled with the angel. Jesus went apart alone to pray. When He instructed us to pray, He told us to enter into our closet. If I enter into my closet I would surely be alone because I have tiny closets.

But I have a lot of time alone. I don't want to wrestle with an angel, because, quite frankly, angels scare me. Whenever an angel shows up, history changes. My Hero can wrestle with an angel. I pray, often. I try to pray without ceasing but I don't see myself staying in the closet for hours on end. I think my joints would get very stiff.

So what else is there about being alone? While I was chasing through verses I came across 1 Thessalonians 4:11. I've read it hundreds of times, literally, but this time something different struck me. Why do we have to study to be quiet? We study hard things. The Lord must know that it is hard to be quiet. It is. Isn't it?

That word "quiet" means to lead a quiet life, not running hither and thither and to hold one's peace.

First, we certainly don't live in a world where living a "quiet life" is the norm. Running hither and thither is the mainstream. I can see why God would say we needed to study that one.

Second, I don't know about you, but it's hard to hold my tongue sometimes. I want to have my say. In the Internet world we all have our say. There's a platform for everything: Blogging, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube just to name a few. But we need to study to be quiet. 

One of my newest pet peeves is proclaimed drama. I signed on to Facebook one day and was greeted with this status from one of my friends: "My husband needs to learn that he is not always right and I am not always wrong!" Really? You just posted that on the Internet for all to see? Really? So, when you and hubby kiss and make up, how are you going to take that back? I wanted to tell her to be quiet, but I held my peace. And I made a mental note to never share that kind of trash in a public forum. 

I was studying.

I went to school for this

I struggled through 4 years of college to write. I kept going to school, through a near-death medical emergency, a subsequent heart attack, and a lengthy recovery. I kept going because I was driven to write.

But I don't write.

Words, sentences and stories tumble around in my head constantly. I never put them to paper.

I mean to. I plan to. I just don't follow through.

I'm not sure what is going on, but I need to get past it. I need to make myself push through this place. The stories are inside and they need liberated.

For three or four years, my Mom and I talked about taking a trip to the town where she was born and lived until she was 11 or 12. She wanted to look around. She wanted to tell me stories. We planned it. We dreamed about it. We talked about it. We never did it. She passed away and we will never take that trip. Every time I pass the exit to her town, I remember the things we never did.

I need to write while I can.