Nana's Faith

I love the 21st Century

2012-01-13T12:54:00.000-06:00

I know what I said here but I really do love technology.

In 1975 in order to get a book on a subject, I would have had to first get a ride to the library. That was much easier said than done. Our little town didn't have very good bus service either so that wasn't a big help.

After I got to the library, I had to search the card catalog. Yes, I do know the Dewey decimal system. Do you?

After I found a book on my subject in the card catalog, I had to go find it on the shelf. Usually, I could check the surrounding books and find other possibilities, too.

Then when I checked it out, the librarian took a card like this out of the book and stamped it with a date stamp and also stamped the book with the due date.

This is NOT 1975 anymore.

There were several books that were recommended reading from a group I know.

Instead of driving to the library, I jumped on the Internet and signed on to my local library. I searched and found the books and requested they be put on hold.

A couple of days later, I got an email that my requested items were ready.

This morning on my way to work, I stopped at the library, and grabbed my books off the hold shelf. I stepped over to the check-out computer, scanned my library card, dropped the stack of books on a computer pad and it spit out a receipt for me.

In literally 90 seconds, I was in and out of the library and on my way with my precious books.

Technology is cool!

Time for Carrots

2012-01-01T12:58:00.001-06:00

I figured something out this morning.

The way the new year fell, we had a fellowship at church this morning and I took some finger foods. While I was preparing them, I was thinking about the new year and resolutions and such and I figured it out: we don't diet in the new year because we suddenly become health conscious or we have body image problems. We are just tired of cooking. This cooking thing has been going on since at least mid November!

So when my Hero asks me what's for dinner this evening, I will just say "Eat a carrot. You're fat.". Works for me..

Nana

2011-11-07T10:17:00.000-06:00

My grandmother said it. My mother said it. I didn't understand until it happened to me. The moment you become a grandmother is nothing shy of miraculous. Eight years ago yesterday at almost midnight, I saw him for the first time. Eight years later I still marvel when I look at him. He is my future.

I could fill pages with the joy he brings me and at the same time, I am speechless.

I have others now—other grands. They, too, fill my heart with wonder.

But he is the first. He opened that portal. He introduced me to that joy.

Eight years and I hope to enjoy many, many more.

Now

2011-11-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

In my work, I hear a lot of conversations. People sit in the waiting room of my office and chat. Weather is always a pretty safe topic of conversation. I've heard these conversations for many seasons and the common thread never ceases to amaze me. We want the weather to be different than it is. We don't like now. If it is warm, we wish it were cooler. If it is cool, we wish it was warmer. In summer, we long for winter. In the autumn, we don't know why it still isn't summer… and on it goes.

Sitting and listening, I've learned something. I've learned to appreciate the now.

It's not as easy as it sounds. When I look out the window now, it's rainy and windy and cold. But I appreciate it. I've learned to like the crisp drops on my face and the way the wind sneaks through the gaps in my jacket and chills me. It's fascinating.

Winter will come soon and the muffled snow will fall. I marvel at that quiet.

But right now, I hear the wet leaves struggling to stay pasted to my car as the wind fights to ply them loose and send them swirling. Autumn rains patters different than rains in April or July. It's sharp and crisp as it pings the window.

"Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth."

Proverbs 27:1

We may not see winter. Summer is but a memory. Enjoy now.

Do you remember 1975?

2011-10-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

Life before computers were common and the Internet was pretty much reserved for brainiacs and the government?

When you had a question, you had to look up the answer in a book? A book made of paper?

There were good things about that time. You couldn't just type a word into a search engine and find an answer. You had to go through a thought process of where the answer might be found. Did that question require a dictionary? a thesaurus? an encyclopedia? Maybe a more specialized reference?

Sometimes, the answers come too quickly now. Questions aren't pondered. There's no gestation of thoughts.

Then again, my grandson can spend hours researching the Titanic without waiting for a ride to the library. And he can draw pictures like this:

Iceberg ahead!

Split in half!

Going down!

The rescue ship

In 1875, the idea that I would have access to dictionaries, encyclopedias and libraries FULL of books in 1975 was just as unimaginable as the Internet was in 1975. Sometimes, I miss the "olden days" but then learning is learning and I like now just as much.

What do you think?

Success

2011-09-20T09:30:00.001-05:00

In 1987, the first time I went back to college, I took an advanced English comp class at Tarrant County Junior College in Fort Worth. It was an advanced class because we did our composition on computers! We each had a Mac SE with 2 mb of memory and a 20 mb hard drive. We printed our documents on dot matrix printers. So much for advanced.

Anyway, one of our assignments was to write an essay on success. The premise was, when we came to the end of our days, what things would make us feel like our lives had been a success.

I think I had to rewrite that essay four or five times… maybe six. My idea of success and my teacher's idea were not the same. She wanted me to have tangible—measurable—evidences of success. I don't even remember what I wrote as the final paper. I'm sure it was something she settled for because I got an A in the class, but it wasn't something that satisfied my idea of success.

Now, having lived half a century and hoping for half a century more, I still can't pen tangible evidences of a life of success. If success has to be tangible, I'm not it. I live in a modest home on a modest income. Like many, I juggle more money that I save. It won't take long to settle my estate after I'm gone. My will amounts to two words: All done.

But success? There are things I want the people close to me to know and remember. I want my husband to know he was loved wildly and unconditionally and supported 1000%. I want my children to have been better, not bitter, because I was their mom. I want my grandchildren to have a heritage worth cherishing. I want my friends to remember me as someone who listened to the good and to the bad and always gave them the benefit of the doubt.

There are things I want the people around me to remember. I want them all to know that I loved Jesus. I want them all to know the Jesus I love.

I want Jesus to say, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

Those things aren't tangible, they are beyond measure.

A Different Generation

2011-08-06T08:32:00.000-05:00

Beau was talking to his mom the other day and he asked her what the devil looked like.

She explained different ideas of what the devil looked like. Some people believe he still has the form of an angel of light—a very beautiful creature—as he was created before he fell. Other people think he looks like us to make it easier for him to deceive us. Some people even picture him as a red demon with horns, a tail and a pitchfork.

He thought for a minute and then said, "Well, I know what God looks like because I saw a picture of Him in my Bible.... I guess we will just have to Google what the devil looks like."

I almost cried

2011-07-29T09:16:00.000-05:00

I dropped Beau off at summer school this morning. As I was pulling away, I glanced in the rear-view mirror for a last check and I was stunned. Who was this big, gangly boy? He was wearing Beau's clothes but he was far to big to be Beau.

It was him.

My heart jumped and I pictured the smiling little baby boy who was my constant shadow.

Now, he is 7 and a HALF (never forget the half). He's running in the Junior Bix today. He's about to start 2nd grade. He bought his first HO scale locomotive off of ebay yesterday with his own money.

But he's still my constant shadow and he will always be my grandboy.

Sprucin' Up the Place a Little

2011-06-30T10:45:00.000-05:00

I thought it was time for a change in my blog's face. What do you think?

So why haven't I blogged this week?

2011-06-16T11:32:00.001-05:00

Because, I was at track camp.

With this guy.

Watching him throw the shot put.

And try the long jump.

And run.

With lots of water.

And most of all, loving every minute of being his Nana.

Reading through my own blog

2011-06-09T09:45:00.001-05:00

I was reading through my own blog and noticed some recurrent themes.

Beau makes me laugh—a lot.

I struggle to stay on top sometimes.

I miss Mom, and I'm still trying to figure out what our relationship was.

I have happy memories of a rough childhood.

I love my Hero—a lot.

I like weather photos.

Storms fascinate me.

Summer

2011-06-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

On Facebook several people posted something that went like this: "I'm from Texas where summer starts in June....." No. That is not right. In Texas, summer starts in April, if not March. We could never wait until it was hot enough to play in the sprinkler. Mom's rule was that it had to be 80°. That was usually around the first of April.

Here in Iowa, it's June. But we go from using the electric blanket to needing the air conditioner in a week.

This morning, I was outside filling up the little wading pool for Beau and remembering the blistering days of childhood. When you went to get a drink from the hose, you had to let the water run for a few minutes before you took a sip or you would scald your mouth. The only time I ever wore flip flops was if we were going to the big store—B&W. I never even bothered to wear them to Pic N Pack or Dairy Queen. At night, I had to scrape the tar off my feet from walking on the melting black top. During drought years, you could only play in the water after sunset and then on even days. We didn't have air conditioning but a swamp cooler on the roof. Many nights, it was cooler to sleep on a blanket in the back yard. The Sno Cone man came by playing an upbeat rendition of Brahms Lullaby and that was the sweetest sound of the day. When the price of Sno Cones went from a dime to a quarter all the parents were aghast! The swimming pool in town had a slide and inner tubes and that was awesome.

Now the pools are waterparks and Sno Cones are "shaved ice." Water doesn't come from a hose, it comes from a spring in the mountains courtesy of a plastic bottle. Everywhere is air conditioned and kids rarely play outside unless they are at the aforementioned waterpark.

I prefer the childhood of my memories.

A look back

2011-06-06T12:53:00.000-05:00

Thirty years.

One thousand five hundred sixty weeks.

Ten thousand nine hundred fifty seven days.

Hundreds of thousands of kisses shared.

Tens of thousands of tears shed.

Tens of thousands of hours of laughter.

Untold glances and smiles exchanged.

We knew we loved each other the day we said I do but we had no idea how boundless that love would grow over time.

I'm looking forward to the next thirty years.

Stuff

2011-06-03T11:23:00.001-05:00

I walked past my dining room table today and had visions of Hoarders. (That show creeps me out. Disgust, fear, sympathy... too many emotions for entertainment.)

I decided I need to go through my stuff. I have too much stuff. I have really good stuff that I can't even find. Oh, it's not piled up all over my house like that show. My house is in order. The stuff is behind the scenes. (OK, except for the stuff on my table....) It's in the garage. It's in the closets. It's hidden. I need to pull out the hidden stuff and go through it. I need to throw away the garbage. Utilize the good stuff and donate the stuff that's still good, but I don't need.

Without too much of a mental jump, there's a spiritual application here. I've often heard people who have been saved for a while wonder aloud why they needed to be in church. Their "spiritual house" is in order but there is stuff that can't be seen. But we, as Christians, often pack away a bunch of stuff where it can't be seen. Sometimes, its really good stuff but we've forgotten about it or can't seem to access it. Sometimes, it's stuff that needs to be thrown out—garbage. A lot of times, its stuff that we need to share with others.

Church is the best place for going through those "boxes of spiritual stuff." Maybe something will be said in a sermon that leads to a box. Maybe the sight of a need in another member of the body will unpack something you need to share.

You need to be in church so you don't become a spiritual hoarder.

On my toes

2011-06-02T09:00:00.015-05:00

Beau is out of school for summer and with much joy, I have the privilege of spending every morning with him. He is so full of life. He is so full of wonder.

We were driving back from the grocery store yesterday and he began asking me questions about spiders. Besides his first love, trains, spiders are his favorite! I said something about their abdomen and thorax and he quickly corrected me. It has been a long time since I taught about arachnids and insects and I forgot the difference. "Nana! Insects have three body parts and spiders only have two. That is the difference besides the number of legs!" He explained.

Oops. My bad? I should have remembered that. After he reminded me, I remebered that the name of the second body part was a cephalothorax. He liked that word. So we talked about exoskeletons and chitin and how some spiders have their eyes on top and others have them in front. We talked about molting and venom.

I love being a grandmother.

When you least expect it

2011-06-01T10:00:00.001-05:00

Four years ago, I was frustrated because I wasn't bouncing back from surgery as quickly as I would like. My doctor sat me down and told me I should've died and any progress I made was miraculous.

I'm a survivor.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home. (That could be considered an understatement.) Mom was in and out of the mental ward at the hospital so much that all the staff knew me well. I would get off the elevator and a nurse would ask me how my big math test went. I would find Mom's room and she would ask me my name.

I'm a survivor.

Usually, I don't even think about those things. Occasionally, the past smacks me in the face.

We had a man live with us for awhile. Mom had met him at the mental hospital and he didn't have a place to stay so he moved in with us. I'll call him "Crazy Hal." He slept with his eyes open. That alone will creep a 10-year-old out. The Army had given him a mental health discharge after an incident in Vietnam. Although I never felt particularly in danger, I kept my distance.

This week, I had dealings with a man that sent waves of "Crazy Hal" sweeping through me. All at once, the fears and insecurities of my younger self gripped my heart. I wasn't in danger at all, but the situation was too familiar. I had to remove myself and calm down. The Lord and I had a talk and I resumed my business.

I've heard it said that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I don't agree. Those things that didn't kill me, made me more dependent on my Jesus.

I'm a survivor—because Jesus is my strength.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Committment

2011-03-22T08:13:00.000-05:00

This is almost an exact copy of a post from my devotion blog, Grace and Salt. I wrote this almost three years ago and I still wonder. Why is it that some commitments stick and most don't?

"Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they consider not that they do evil. Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few. For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words.
"When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands? For in the multitude of dreams and many words there are also divers vanities: but fear thou God."

Ecclesiastes 5:1-7

I've been meditating on commitment for many days now. We seem to live in a culture that has abandoned the concept. When I was young, quitting was a shame — not any more. Husbands and wives quit. Parents quit. Children quit. Christians quit.

I've said before that I've been in church almost my whole life. I started out in the church nursery and I've been everything from a deacon's kid to a bus kid to the preacher's wife. Through the years, I have seen literally thousands kneel at an altar and make a commitment to the Lord. Sadly, without a scientific study, I would say that near 90% of those commitments are abandoned. The person who keeps a vow is the rare exception.

But why?

That question is the base of my meditation and I don't know that I have any answers yet.

What do you think? Why do folks not keep the commitments that they make to the Lord.

I know the basic answers like "the cares of this world," "decisions made in haste," "peer presure." But are those the root reasons?

Tell me what you think.

Higher

2011-03-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Psalm 61:2

My Hero and I have been through a valley. It was perhaps longer and darker than most of the valleys we have travelled. In fact, there were times we didn't know if we would make it but we walked on.

At some point in the valley, we talked and decided to live as if we were on the mountain already. It wasn't easy. It didn't come natural. It made a difference.

The easiest thing to do when things are hard is to embrace the sadness. As Christians, we run to the imprecatory Psalms.

We sit down beside David as he says, "For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate." (Psalm 143:3-4).

We wag our heads and cry out, "Oh, David!! Me, too! Me, too!"

Some of that is necessary. It is good to know that we are not the only ones who have ever hurt so deeply. But it is not good to wallow there.

My Hero and I made a conscious decision to listen to music about how good God is. We chose songs about how blessed we really are. We focused on the great things in our lives.

And we began to heal. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. It was time for us to go higher. We were overwhelmed and needed to get to that rock that is higher.

My Hero once again sits and plays his guitar that had lain silent for literally years. I catch myself singing while I do housework.

We chose to live as though we were through the valley. Are the troubles are gone? Not completely. But our hearts are once again on the mountain.

I have been blessed, God's so good to me,

Precious are His thoughts of you and me.

No way I could count them there's not enough time,

So I'll just thank Him for being so kind.

God has been good, so good.

I have been blessed.

I am big enough! I am strong enough!

2011-03-01T09:18:00.001-06:00

Years ago when I was homeschooling my kids, we would go every year to a History Heritage Lab at the Ernie Miller Nature Center in Olathe, Kansas. It was by far, one of our favorite field trips.

As you wondered through the hiking trail, you met up with Jacque, a French fur trader from the 1700's. Upon first encounter, Jacque would ask who you were and where you came from and why you were wearing those strange clothes. He then would tell the story of how he became a fur trader. Every year, his uncle would prepare for his fur trading trip down the rivers from French Quebec. Every year Jacque would ask to go along and his uncle would tell him he wasn't ready. Jacque would tell his uncle, "I am big enough! I am strong enough!"

Finally, the year came that Jacque was allowed to go. The first three days almost killed him. He managed to survive and even go on to thrive, but he found out that his uncle had been right before. He had not been big enough. He had not been strong enough.

Way too often, I am like young Jacque. I want to believe that I am big enough and strong enough to handle things. I take off down the river of life alone, and I almost die. Unlike Jacque, I will never be big enough or strong enough in my own power.

I have to constantly remind myself:

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;"

2 Corinthians 3:5

"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:29-31

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."

John 15:5

and

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."

2 Corinthians 4:7

I have to remember that I am just an earthen vessel and that I absolutely need the Lord to get me through each and every day, and especially the hard days.

Remind me, Lord.

Reminding Myself

2011-02-03T19:07:00.001-06:00

I wrote this almost a year and a half ago. Doing some maintenance on my blog, I came across it tonight. It's a good reminder.

"But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus."

Ephesians 2:4-7

Thoughts and Thankfulness

2011-02-03T11:46:00.000-06:00

Monday night and Tuesday, the busy world of people outside the walls of my house came to a stand still. The cold winds swirled and the snow piled up and everyone stayed home. It was a perfect time to work on my latest quilt.

I love quilting. One of my favorite things is the tangible progress. Every cut, every stitch, every seam pressed I can watch the quilt take shape. Many aspects of the ministry don't offer that reward. Teaching and mentoring have a few "aha!" moments but for the most part the success isn't visual.

Quilting also keeps my hands busy. My mind is always whirring. I am still amazed when I ask someone what he or she is thinking and they answer "nothing." I can't imagine it's even possible to think nothing.

A busy mind can be a problem sometimes, at least for me. If I'm not careful, I brood. I foolishly replay the tapes of failures and betrayals and my heart can spiral downward into darkness. Quilting occupies my mind and keeps me from going there.

While the blizzard of 2011 and its aftermath whirled, I quilted and my mind mused on my blessings. I live in Iowa, a place where the people have learned to live with nature's fury for hundreds of years. This blizzard has been the first time the schools have closed this year. We've had over two feet of snow fall since winter began, but in Iowa, life only stops for the most extreme storms.

I thought about those pioneers who lived on these prairies during the 19th century. I'm safe in a house with indoor plumbing and a furnace. When it came time to dig out, snowplows cleared my street and a neighbor brought his snowblower over to help clear our driveway.

I cut my quilt pieces using my knife sharp Fiskars and a rolling cutter.

Seamed on my nice sewing machine.

And pressed with a modern iron.

I didn't have to build a fire, use a chamber pot, sharpen a blade, treadle, or heat irons. I am thankful: Thankful for those who have gone before and braved the trials; Thankful for those who invented the conveniences I enjoy; Thankful to my husband for working to pay for the things I have.

I'm ultimately thankful to my Lord who daily loadeth me with benefits.

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah."

Psalm 68:19

Enter to win this book giveaway!

2011-02-01T07:26:00.002-06:00

http://heartscape.wordpress.com/2011/01/31/book-giveaway-week/

Enough Said

2011-01-25T08:43:00.000-06:00

Mine Ebenezer

2011-01-10T17:03:00.000-06:00

"Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto hath the Lord helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12

You would think that after all this time, I would figure it out. I've been in church every Sunday that I wasn't sick since I was 2. I've went to a Christian school. I went to Bible college. I've taught Sunday school in some capacity for almost 30 years. I've read the Bible through too many times to count.

And yet, often I come across a passage of Scripture and have an "aha!" moment. I love the song "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" but I never really knew what an Ebenezer was until today when I read this verse and made the connection. An Ebenezer is a reminder of the Lord's help.

I need the Lord's help all the time, but right now I have a few things that I desire to see the Lord do. Today, I need to raise my Ebenezer and remind myself of all the "hitherto" help that the Lord has already given me. It makes it so much easier to trust Him.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

West Texas

2011-01-06T08:52:00.000-06:00

On cloud-shrouded nights
darkness suffocates
among the gnarled arms
of mesquite.
Silence disturbed
by wind-rustled seed pods.
Skyborn cold wrestles
earth-warmed radiance.
Imagination abounds,
Folklore is birthed,
Goatmen roam pastures,
Wolves nurture lost infants.
Dawn unveils the fiction.

Very Productive Morning!

2010-12-27T09:45:00.001-06:00

Beau woke up in a bad mood and was very uncooperative: Morning Prayers - check

I forgot stuff from downstairs three times and had to make extra trips: Morning Exercise - check

Got halfway to daycare & had to turn around to get tuition envelope: Take time to enjoy scenery - check

Fell in the snow: laughed like a kid again - check

Turned on work computer only to find network down - Innovation - check

I wonder what the rest if this day holds?

30 Times

2010-12-22T09:51:00.004-06:00

In 1981, my Hero and I put this ornament on our Christmas tree in our little one bedroom apartment in Arlington, TX.

It was new and so was our marriage. This year, we put our tree up and for the 30th consecutive year this was the first ornament we put on the tree.

It's not new anymore and neither are we. Time and wear have frayed a few of the threads but it's more beautiful than ever to me. For better, for worse; in sickness and in health; for richer, for poorer: every December we put the ornament on the tree.

It is an ornament of grace that reflects our love. I pray it graces our tree for many more Decembers.

Dear Santa, I can explain...

2010-12-17T11:00:00.000-06:00

My mom was not one for holidays. As kids, we were lucky if the tree went up a week before Christmas and it always came down by the 26th... sometimes on the afternoon of the 25th.

We didn't have Christmas stockings. I didn't even know there was such a thing until I was almost grown. We hung our socks. Our nasty ol' used socks on the bookcase on Christmas Eve.

My dad made it funny though. He always had a plan. He was always going to figure out a way for Santa to put more in his sock than anyone else's. But every year, the same thing happened. We got up on Christmas morning and our socks had a little bit of candy and an apple or an orange and my dad's sock had a switch in it. We thought it was hilarious.

One year Dad had a really elaborate plan. He hung one of his long dress socks that had a hole in the toe. Then he put a box on the floor under the sock. He explained to us that Santa would start filling his sock and it would pour through the hole and into the box. By the time Santa realized what was happening, Dad would have a whole box full of goodies. The next morning, we all ran to the socks first to see if the plan worked. We howled with glee when we saw the usual switch... through the hole and resting in the box!!!

Now I have pretty Christmas stockings hung for my Hero and me, but I will never forget those socks and that switch.

Through Winter Windows

2010-12-15T14:12:00.002-06:00

Trace of footfalls
pierce glistening white,
tokens of travellers.
Bygone origins,
trivial destinations.
Blinding reflections as
icy air sneaks through
unseen fissures.
Warmth beckons
and beauty is abandoned.

I'm all alone

2010-11-17T21:03:00.001-06:00

"And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;"

1 Thessalonians 4:11

One of the things about the empty nest that I've really had to adjust to is that I have so much time alone. Since 1985 when my first child was born, I didn't even know what it was like to go to the bathroom alone! I certainly don't remember much time where I had the whole house to myself. Now, here I am. Alone.

I wondered what the Bible had to say about being alone. Jacob was alone and wrestled with the angel. Jesus went apart alone to pray. When He instructed us to pray, He told us to enter into our closet. If I enter into my closet I would surely be alone because I have tiny closets.

But I have a lot of time alone. I don't want to wrestle with an angel, because, quite frankly, angels scare me. Whenever an angel shows up, history changes. My Hero can wrestle with an angel. I pray, often. I try to pray without ceasing but I don't see myself staying in the closet for hours on end. I think my joints would get very stiff.

So what else is there about being alone? While I was chasing through verses I came across 1 Thessalonians 4:11. I've read it hundreds of times, literally, but this time something different struck me. Why do we have to study to be quiet? We study hard things. The Lord must know that it is hard to be quiet. It is. Isn't it?

That word "quiet" means to lead a quiet life, not running hither and thither and to hold one's peace.

First, we certainly don't live in a world where living a "quiet life" is the norm. Running hither and thither is the mainstream. I can see why God would say we needed to study that one.

Second, I don't know about you, but it's hard to hold my tongue sometimes. I want to have my say. In the Internet world we all have our say. There's a platform for everything: Blogging, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube just to name a few. But we need to study to be quiet.

One of my newest pet peeves is proclaimed drama. I signed on to Facebook one day and was greeted with this status from one of my friends: "My husband needs to learn that he is not always right and I am not always wrong!" Really? You just posted that on the Internet for all to see? Really? So, when you and hubby kiss and make up, how are you going to take that back? I wanted to tell her to be quiet, but I held my peace. And I made a mental note to never share that kind of trash in a public forum.

I was studying.

I went to school for this

2010-11-16T09:23:00.001-06:00

I struggled through 4 years of college to write. I kept going to school, through a near-death medical emergency, a subsequent heart attack, and a lengthy recovery. I kept going because I was driven to write.

But I don't write.

Words, sentences and stories tumble around in my head constantly. I never put them to paper.

I mean to. I plan to. I just don't follow through.

I'm not sure what is going on, but I need to get past it. I need to make myself push through this place. The stories are inside and they need liberated.

For three or four years, my Mom and I talked about taking a trip to the town where she was born and lived until she was 11 or 12. She wanted to look around. She wanted to tell me stories. We planned it. We dreamed about it. We talked about it. We never did it. She passed away and we will never take that trip. Every time I pass the exit to her town, I remember the things we never did.

I need to write while I can.

My latest quilt

2010-10-05T14:37:00.002-05:00

I made this sweet rag quilt for one of the students where I work. She is about to graduate and her baby girl is due in January.

Our weekend getaway

2010-09-18T19:51:00.002-05:00

GeoTagged, [N41.55763, E90.45330]

Yesterday, my Hero and I decided to get away for one night. We reserved the riverview whirlpool suite at the Holiday Inn in LeClaire. We had chocolate mousse cake and sparkling grape juice and enjoyed ourselves tremendously. There us nothing better than spending time with my friend, my lover, my Hero!

The last couple of days

2010-09-08T17:35:00.000-05:00

The last couple of days have required chocolate... lots of chocolate.

This means that the next couple of days will probably require walking.

Unless of course, I decide that the next couple of days require more chocolate.

He has no idea

2010-09-03T09:22:00.004-05:00

If Beau thinks it's cold when the temperature is in the 50's, what is he going to do when it's -10°F?

More funny stuff

2010-09-02T08:51:00.002-05:00

A few days ago, I posted this. Believe it or not, there is even more.

I have to preface the story by telling you that the parsonage at our first church was a one-room house. There was only my Hero, me and Girly then and she was only 3 so we made it work. But I quickly discovered a major drawback to having a one room house. There is not another room to escape into when you need to laugh out loud at someone.

One evening, the church trustee came by to go visit some families in the community with my Hero. This trustee was known by his friends as "Elvis" because he wore his hair slicked back. While my Hero was tying his tie, he was telling Elvis his plan for the evening.

"The first family I'd like to visit is the one across the street from you. I know they have kids and I know they aren't in church on Sunday morning, so it's a good prospect," said my Hero.

No one could have predicted what happened next. One minute, I was trying to occupy myself in a small space while the men talked, the next minute I was scrambling for cover.

"I been thinking about that fellow," started Elvis. "He looks like a Mesican, but he's got them blue eyes. I think I got him figured out. You see, over there in Europe, they have a country named Hemia and they call the men Beau-Hemians. I'm pretty sure he's a Beau-Hemian."

Honestly? How do you deal with that. How do you respond in a little one room house where there is no place to hide? The closet!! We had a closet in one corner of the house and suddenly, I had an urgent need to get something from the closet.

I don't know if they heard me howling or not.

My computer is sick

2010-08-23T09:55:00.000-05:00

It won't turn on. I understand how it feels but I need it to turn on. I'm trying not to freak out but I'm freaking out. I have to take it to the computer hospital tomorrow and see if they can fix it.

They better be able to.

The ministry can be a funny thing

2010-08-20T16:33:00.000-05:00

The very first church my husband pastored was in East Texas. It was in a part of East Texas described as deep East Texas. The year was 1989 but in this little town, I don't think anyone had ripped 1959 off the calendar yet.

The little country church sat on 10 acres set back off the road and a church member lived up on the road. While my Hero met in the church with the pulpit committee, some of the ladies and I fellowshipped on the back porch of the member's house. I was looking out across the church's acreage and noticed dozens of these dried mud mounds.

Now, where I come from in West Texas, we don't have anything that looks like this so after puzzling over it for a few minutes, I asked my hostess, "Erlene, what are those things?"

Sweet as could answer, she said, "Oh, them? They the crawdad holes."

Still puzzled, I looked out across the property and couldn't identify any water source. There wasn't a creek or even a stock pond to be seen, so I asked further, "Is the water table real high here?"

And without blinking an eye, she assured me, "Oh, no! It's only about $30 a month."

And I am telling the truth although I did change her name.

Aggravated

2010-08-20T08:12:00.000-05:00

Even ladybugs can be aggravated. There are some things happening in my world right now that are ultimately going to lead to changes. Not bad changes, just changes. I don't prefer change.

So, I'm trying to seek out the advantages of some of the changes and today I was looking forward to having a little extra time to work on my fall lap quilt.

But I don't think that's going to happen because my silly back is acting up. I'll go to the chiropractor later this morning and get the back fixed but that means I will lose the time I would have had to work on the quilt. I only have to put a border on the top, prepare the backing and do the actual quilting. (I know that sounds like a lot but the hard part of piecing the top is done.) I'm sure the quilt will be ready in plenty of time for the cool Autumn days, but I wanted to work on it today!

What about you? How do you handle change? How do you handle the unexpected aggravation of life? Do you let it work you into a tizzy or do you go with the flow?

I'm trying to go with the flow but I'm not thrilled with it… yet.

Gadgets

2010-08-18T09:07:00.000-05:00

Hello. My name is Terri and I am a Gadget Geek. Seriously.

I have a tatting shuttle and I don't even know how to tatt. But it is the cutest little gadget!

I collect them all. It doesn't matter what the gadget does, I want it. I have cooking gadgets, craft gadgets, sewing gadgets, electronic gadgets and gadget gadgets.

I just bought a new quilting foot for my sewing machine. It helps you sew perfect 1/4 inch seams and it really works. I love it!

And this week, I got the best of all gadgets because its a multi-gadget. My brand-new iPhone 4!

This is the ultimate for a Gadget Geek. I have Kindle for my iPhone, my iPod, my Contacts, my Calendar, and my games (also an Angry Birds addict) all in one little pint-sized package in my pocket.

Ahhhhhhh. I like it.

Some things I've seen

2010-08-16T09:41:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, my Hero and I set out on an adventure. We were driving around in east/central rural Illinois looking for an ancestors grave. As it turns out the tiny cemetery is on private land and we haven't been able to contact the landowners yet but we know where it is now.

While we were driving around we saw this:

Fogottonia, USA! Isn't that funny? I'm not a city girl even though I married a city boy and I've lived in the city for the past 30 years. My heart is "where the blacktop ends." I've said for years that my dream home would sit on 20 acres somewhere that you had to be going to my house to get there. I would love to live in Forgottonia, USA but the city boy I married would go crazy. So I go in adventures in the country and take pictures.

How about you? Would you rather live in the city or in Forgottonia?

Dark

2010-08-15T09:26:00.001-05:00

For longer than I can remember now, I've travelled this road. Trusting there is a destination to be gained, I press on. The darkness sits upon my chest as I struggle to breathe. Is it the never ending valley? Did I choose my path poorly?

In the beginning there were many more travelers. Often we walked together. Always I could feel them. Some have abandoned the journey. Others have arrived at their destination. The path of many has led to the mountains.

I know the mountains are there. I know they can be reached. I know the sun, so elusive in this valley, shines there. I can hear those who have reach the mountains sometimes—praising, laughing, rejoicing—while I trod further in the night.

I struggle to understand. Is it my sin? The sin of parents? For the glory of God? I dare not quit and yet, I don't know how much longer I can continue.

Lord, make my path clear, even if it is only one step in the shadows. Walk beside me and calm my fears. Take the past nightmares from me and hold me now, in the present. Reassure me that someday I will see the mountain.

Now off to First Grade

2010-08-12T08:16:00.000-05:00

Remember this last year?

Already another school year is here. Now, Beau is in first grade.

August 11, 2010

He's getting so big—so grown up already. I know that in years to come, I'll look back at these pictures and realize how little he still is.

His Mommy got up and made him a special breakfast to commemorate the occasion.

He is eager to learn. He is eager to explore. This morning at the bus stop, he and the other boys knelt and watched an oriental cricket until the bus arrived. They asked questions. They touched it to see what it felt like. They talked about the cricket's song. They took the time to watch and learn.

Beau is a reminder to me. Don't miss the moment worrying about what comes next.

Learn. Explore. Question. Watch.

He keeps me young.

The little things

2010-08-09T09:32:00.003-05:00

"Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;" Ephesians 5:20

I was headed off to college before I knew that sheets came in sets. Until then, I had never seen a flat sheet. I grew up "economically disadvantaged." I was nineteen and had been working a full-time job for 6 months before I owned two pairs of dress shoes at the same time.

When we got married, like many newleyweds we struggled financially. I vividly remember when we had been married a few years, opening the refrigerator one morning and feeling like we had arrived because there was orange juice in there.

Since then, we've had our ups and downs, but I never drink a glass of orange juice, choose a pair of shoes out of my closet, or pull a flat sheet up over me at night that I don't remember how very blessed I am.

Beau makes me laugh

2010-08-08T09:56:00.000-05:00

Can't you just see the spunk in his eyes? Every day he says something that makes my smile burst forth into a laugh.

He was in summer school for a few weeks recently. For the most part, he loved it but one morning he decided he would rather stay home and play with his trains. He came out of his bedroom holding his forehead and said, "Nana, I believe I have a fever." I felt his head and told him he did not. He thought for a minute and said, "I could get one later! You never know."

Another evening, we bought him some chicken nuggets from Dickey's BBQ (Mmmmm, by the way) and it came with a roll. He loves their chicken nuggets and had specifically requested them. The funny part came when he bit into the roll. His eyes lit up and he exclaimed, "This is the best bread! Now this is what I'm talking about!"

He's growing up so fast. This Wednesday, he will start first grade. He is reading. He has almost mastered the art of tying his shoe. And he makes his Nana laugh a lot.

Time for a Change

2010-08-07T20:30:00.000-05:00

I'm changing the face of my blog a bit (I suppose you have noticed). Trying to freshen it up and get back to posting. What do you think of the changes?

Is it readable?
Is it pleasant to look at?
Does it load quickly enough?

Let me know what you think.

The Cycle

2010-07-15T15:40:00.000-05:00

As I pull the brightly-colored quilt up over the bed, I want to crawl under it and hide. For days on end, I could stay there. Grief floods through me. Not as often as before but just as powerful.

Twelve years ago, next week I said goodbye to Luke. Eleven years ago, my mom passed away. Just ten days later, we lost Samuel. Three years ago more of my children went away. I hear from them in passing.

Most of the time, the dull ache simmers deep beneath my smiles. This time of year, heated by the anniversaries, it boils closer.

I must tell Jesus. I must keep moving. This too shall pass.

And so it starts

2010-05-24T15:31:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago, I had to pull my potted plants in off my back porch because we had a freeze warning. Today, the heat index is 95 degrees! Maybe summer will come and go quickly and we can sit out July and August in relative ease. You think?

I want to know: Reader Survey

2010-05-13T08:39:00.000-05:00

How often do you read my blog?
What posts do you enjoy the most? Random thoughts, family musings, nostalgia, devotions, crafts, my writing?
What would you like to see in my blog?
Anything else you want to tell me?

Do birds have eyes?

2010-05-04T09:06:00.001-05:00

I sat at the kitchen table swinging my legs and watching her. She perched on one foot with the other propped against her leg just below the knee. I could hear the chop of the knife and smell the onions, but all I could see was her back.

Crossing the room and standing beside her, I tried to balance myself in her flamingo stance but almost toppled. She never glanced my way. My face barely cleared the counter so I tiptoed to watch her cut the onion. The knife moved effortlessly always stopping within a hair’s breadth of her hands. I craned my neck to watch her face, but she was finished with the task and moved on.

This is like so many memories of her. I remember her actions. I remember her words. I don’t remember looking her in the face. She was beside me. She was in front of me. She was behind me. I think I was thirty before we ever talked face to face.

More than ten years after she closed her eyes the last time, I cherish those few memories that include those eyes— the crow’s feet of smiles, the shadow of worry, the glimmer of pride.

I try to look people in the eye—especially my children and my grandchildren. I want them to remember my soul, not just my actions or words.

That's what I'll be willing to do.

2010-04-30T08:55:00.002-05:00

For today, I'm reminding myself of some things. You can eavesdrop if you want.

I listen to Dr. Laura regularly because I love to hear people being told how to behave. One of the things she often says is that it's not important what you are feeling, but how you are behaving.

I need to hear that. A lot.

It's a good thing to remind myself because sometimes I want to behave out of how I feel instead of in spite of how I feel.

I feel hurt. I feel wronged. I feel frustrated. I just feel mad. I want to snap at people. I want to tell people off. I want to strike out at people. But I know better.

So do you know what I do? I get alone with God. I cross my arms across my chest and scowl like I did when I was six. I tell Him that people are stupid. I tell Him that I'm mad. I tell Him it's not fair.

And He says, "I know."

So I ask what I should do.

And He says

"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"

Micah 6:8

It doesn't matter how I feel. It matters how I act.

For as long as I can remember, I have sung this chorus:

To be like Jesus
To be like Jesus
All I ask— to be like Him
All through life's journey
From earth to glory
All I ask— to be like Him.

So how can I be like Jesus? God says, "I'm glad you asked. I wrote about that, too."

"For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls."

1 Peter 2:21-25

I should follow in His steps. I cannot tell you how many times since I committed that passage to memory that I quote the little phrase "but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously."

So I uncross my arms. I relax the scowl. I unball my fists. I drop my shoulders. And I surrender to the Shepherd and Bishop of my soul.

I sing another song I have sang for as long as I can remember.

Whatever It Takes by Lanny Wolfe

verse 1
There’s a voice calling me
From an old rugged tree
And His whispers draw closer to me
Leave this world far behind
There are new heights to climb
And a new place in me you will find

chorus
For whatever it takes to draw closer to you Lord
That’s what I’ll be willing to do
For whatever it takes to be more like you
That’s what I’ll be willing to do

verse 2
Take the dearest things to me
If that’s how it must be
To draw me closer to the
Let the disappointments come
Lonely days without the sun
If through sorrow more like you I become

For whatever it takes to draw closer to you Lord
That’s what I’ll be willing to d
For whatever it takes to be more like you
That’s what I’ll be willing to do
I’ll trade sunshine for rain
Comfort for pain
That’s what I’ll be willing to do
For whatever it takes for my will to break
That’s what I’ll be willing to do

That’s what I’ll be willing to do.

On Auto Pilot

2010-04-26T10:31:00.000-05:00

The allergy season has been terrible everywhere. What's weird is that I've never suffered from allergies before but this year! Wow! It's made me really sick.

So I haven't done much of anything.

I haven't written much.

I haven't blogged at all.

I haven't sewn at all.

I haven't even crocheted.

I'll be glad when I feel better and I can do something.

Different Wave Lengths

2010-04-11T12:17:00.000-05:00

Have you ever watched the face of a six-year-old boy when you tell him to make his sound effects in his head?

We are on completely different wave lengths.

I want to

2010-04-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

I want to cry. There are no tears.
I want to scream. There is no voice.
I want to faint. There is no one to catch me.
I want to sleep. There is no rest.
I want to lash out. My hands are bound.
I want to. I can't.

According to the commandment…

2010-04-03T13:04:00.000-05:00

"And the women also, which came with him from Galilee, followed after, and beheld the sepulchre, and how his body was laid. And they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the sabbath day according to the commandment."

Luke 23:55-56

He was gone. They watched as His body was laid in the sepulchre. The grief and confusion mingled in their hearts. But they went on. They prepared the spices and ointments to properly bury Him and they rested "according to the commandment."

The faith of those women is inspiring. When I'm confused, sad, and overwhelmed I try to remember the women who followed Him. At the darkest hour of their lives, they did what they knew to be right. They rested.

Do I?

Remembering

2010-04-01T08:15:00.000-05:00

I was born in Germany where Dad was stationed in the Air Force. We moved to the States when I was 2 and settled in West Texas where Dad was an instructor at Goodfellow Air Force Base. When my parents decided we needed to find a church, they found Baptist Temple because it had the same name as the church in Kansas City where they were married. I began my way through the children's classes.

The first day of the Beginners' Department, I joyfully marched in with all the other fresh four year olds to the big kids class. We sang new songs and divided up by age and gender to our own classrooms for the first time. I relished in the bright decorations on the walls and listened intently to a story told with pictures on a flannel board. I sat taller because I just knew I was so grown.

We were Sunday School attenders. My family went to Sunday School and the went home. We didn't go to the church services. But my new department teacher invited me to Children's church! I pestered and pestered until finally my parents started staying for the church service so I could go to Children's church.

On Palm Sunday in 1966, a bright-eyed five-year-old little girl listened intently while the teacher told the story of the crucifixion. I can still see the flannelgraph figure on my Jesus dying on the cross. For the very first time, my heart was pricked with conviction. He did that just for me… just to pay the penalty for my sin.

After church, that image burned in my mind. We ate lunch and went out to play. My little brother had several disabilities and I always helped him play. I was pushing him around the neighborhood on our green pedal tractor when he decided to stop and look at something. As he wandered off, I rested on my knees behind that tractor and the conviction of the Cross flooded over me.

As a five-year-old little girl, I bowed my head there in the sunny April Sunday afternoon and asked Jesus to be my Savior. I ran in and told my mother and the next Sunday, Easter, after church my pastor knelt down to my level and for 20 minutes asked me questions about what I had done. I remember him standing and looking at my parents and saying, "She knows what she did and she understands."

Every April, as the newness of spring bursts forth around me, I remember the newness of salvation that I knew that April so long ago.

And I'm thankful.

Lighten up, people!

2010-03-26T09:01:00.001-05:00

I watch people. When I was younger, I never spoke. (Yes, those who know me now think I'm lying, but I'm not.) I just listened and watched. I still watch. Lately, I have seen so many unhappy people. I don't know if more people are unhappy or if I just notice it more, but it's sad.

Yesterday, my Hero and I went to a pizza buffet for lunch. We got there just as they opened but it's a pretty popular buffet so it started filling up pretty fast. An older couple, probably in their mid to late sixties, came in right behind us and sat at a table near us. The entire lunch, the woman did nothing but fuss and fume at the man—over everything. She fussed at what salad items he chose: "I hate when you eat that!" She fussed over how much pizza he put on his plate: "Why did you get three pieces to start with?! What if you can't eat that much?" She even fussed because he bumped the table: "Would you scoot back?! You are jostling me!" They were behind me so I couldn't see his face but I never heard him respond and I think maybe he's so used to the verbal barrage that he ignores it. I hurt for both of them. I hurt for him because he has to endure that, but I hurt for her because somewhere inside she has to be hurting to spew such pain.

I know people close to me that are just as miserable. Usually it is because of a hurt or even a perceived hurt years ago that they have allowed to fester and become bitter and poison. Sometimes it is because they have become habitually contentious. Either way, they are miserable and work to make everyone around them miserable.

My Hero and I have been married for almost 29 years. I can't imagine talking to him like that woman was talking to her husband. (I am not perfect by far. When we were first married I was a hothead, but God used several circumstances to teach me better.) I wondered what it was that made that couple marry in the first place if she can't stand him. Then I realized it's probably not him she can't stand, it's her own hurt. He just bares the brunt of it.

After we left the restaurant, my Hero brought up the subject. He had heard it all, too. We talked about bitter people and those who feel like they have to scrape and scratch to stay on top of the heap. This verse came up:

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." Timothy 6:6

This is a lesson that both of us have been striving to learn. We've undergone a few trials in the past few years and we both found ourselves getting bitter. We realized what was happening and we began to work on forgetting those things that are behind and being content. The pains of trials that are nurtured become bitter and I certainly don't want to be sitting in a pizza restaurant 15 or 20 years from not while another couple listens to my bitterness spew forth all over the love of my life.

"Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her." Proverbs 3:13-18

I've been reading

2010-03-24T09:05:00.000-05:00

I love the Kindle app on my iPhone. Now, I even have the Kindle app on my Mac. I know what you are thinking and I relish the organic feel of a real book in my hands, too, but the Kindle app is so convenient that it didn't take me long to love it almost as much.

I love the fact that anytime I'm waiting or have downtime, I can pull out my phone and read, picking up right where I left off last time. One of the things I love the most is free… free books. Amazon has tons of free books for the Kindle and the selections change regularly. I've discovered Christian literature is often among the free offerings. I am having a wonderful time discovering new books and authors I might not have otherwise read.

In February, Daisy Chain: A Novel, by Mary DeMuth was free. I downloaded and read and fell in love with the Defiance, Texas Trilogy but more, Mary's writing. I've read Christian literature before, and so often the characters were one dimensional and the plot so predictable. Even the dialogue is so banal that I can tell you what the characters are going to say ahead of time. In short, it bored me.

Not so with Daisy Chain. The characters, all of them, are round and real. Each of them struggle with faith and relationships and just the human condition. It didn't hurt that I grew up in a small Texas town and so I felt like I knew these people. Jed Pepper and Daisy Chance are two early adolescent best friends making their way through the trials of life, when Daisy disappears. Everyone in town handles the disappearance in his or her own way: some fear, some blame, some feel guilt, some grieve, some pray, some reject God. Most of them wrestle with all of those things, like real people do.

So far, I haven't bought a lot of Kindle books because the free ones have kept me satisfied, but as soon as I finished Daisy Chain, I downloaded A Slow Burn and gobbled it up. I can't wait for the final book. In fact, waiting makes me crazy.

I was telling a friend about the books, and googled Mary DeMuth. I found a lovely Christian writer who is passionate about her writing and her Jesus. I'm an official fan. If you follow my blog at all, or know me, you know that I am a writer…a frustrated one, but a writer just the same. The amount of encouragement and knowledge I have gleaned from Mary so far is invaluable. Jesus let me stumble across Mary and I'm a better for it.

Now, I've downloaded Thin Places. I've only made it through a few chapters because the glut emotions that the book is churning. I've even read a couple of chapters to my Hero and he cried. I'm not ready to tell you about this book yet, but I will soon.

My Latest Project

2010-03-21T09:12:00.005-05:00

I read about this on another blog and just had to do it. So I sent off for my kit and it came in the mail.

I sewed.

And quilted. (This was my first attempt at free motion quilting.)

And finished the quilt.

I will definitely do this again soon!

An emotional day

2010-03-16T22:05:00.000-05:00

Early today, I realized I'm afraid. I'm not ready to tell all about it, but I've been afraid for a long time. I think that fear is what has kept me from working on my memoir of my mother.

Then later, I found out my uncle had died. He was my mother's brother. I was talking to my dad about it and he told me some things that I had never known about my grandmother. Things that made the 13-year-old girl inside of me comforted in knowing.

Days like this are rough and wonderful all at the same time.

It's been a long winter

2010-03-09T17:46:00.006-06:00

I know it's been a long winter everywhere, it seems, but the winter in Iowa felt endless. We had snow on the ground everyday for more than three months. Now, to lifelong Midwesterners, that's not a big deal. I hear them brag about the winters "back in the day." (I don't believe them though when they say that back in the day, it started snowing in August and didn't quit until May... that's stretching it more than a bit.)

But I'm not a Midwesterner. I've made my home in the Midwest for almost 20 years now, but I am still a Texas girl. We never had snow on the ground for three days straight, let alone three months.

This winter got to me. I think I understand a little those people who say they get depressed in the winter. I did. I was so tired of cold and snow and ice, that I didn't want to do anything. I think I've been to Walmart less than half a dozen times since Thanksgiving. That's pretty bad.

I missed the sunshine. Even though I know we are headed into our rainy season, the sun comes out between the storms and that makes them tolerable.

It dawned on me, that because the Son shines on me between the storms of life, they too are tolerable.

My Rag Quilt

2010-03-03T11:09:00.004-06:00

I've always wanted to try a rag quilt and I saw this really cute cowboy material so I gave it a shot. I chose to back the quilt with flannel and use flannel as the batting. After cutting all the squares and stacking them, I was ready to go!

Lots and lots and lots of X's across the squares...
I sat and watched this for a long time.....
Then, clipping and clipping and clipping the seams....
One washing to start the ragging process and here we go!! I really liked the way it turned out. I have another project I'm starting soon. As soon as the supplies arrive, I'll tell you about it. But I am certainly going to make another rag quilt after that.

The end!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the quilt worked it's magic right away....

Morning

2010-02-19T07:54:00.002-06:00

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

—Lamentations 3:21-23

I confess that I am a worrier. It is a time-honored tradition passed on to me by my mother. It is also not one I am proud of. I have spent much time in prayer for the past year or so, attempting to overcome my tendency to worry. In the past couple of days, several things have come up that have made me worry. This morning, the Lord brought these verses to my heart and a great burden of worry was lifted from my soul.

His compassions are new every morning. I am so thankful for morning.

The Flaws

2010-01-30T21:08:00.003-06:00

On a cold Saturday night, as January comes to a close, I sit in my chair with a blanket across my lap crocheting a new scarf. I'll still need it for another month or so. I've been crocheting for 25 years now and almost mindlessly, my hands move in the rhythm of yarn over, through, yarn up, through, through. Turn. Again. Occasionally I stop and examine my work. Ninety-nine percent is perfect, but here and there I notice a slip—a stitch that doesn't quite meet my standard. I don't know if anyone else would even notice it, but I see it and I know that it's there.

I'm afraid I do that when, as a mother, I look at my child. I don't see the 99%. I see the stitch that I wish I could go back and redo.

Lord, help me to see your handiwork in her life and not my mistakes. Amen.

Escape

2010-01-18T08:24:00.004-06:00

The wooden screen door thwacked shut and the shouting inside succumbed to the droning chorus of the cicadas. My summer-browned bare feet carried me across the searing sun-softened tar of the black top. At the end of the street, pavement yielded to hard nature-kilned clay veiled by powdered sand. The dust cooled my toes.

I paused to crouch at the small stagnant pond beside the path. Last summer I would have stretched out on my stomach to watch the tadpoles, crawdads and water bugs. Now I am too self-conscious. Even in my over-sized t-shirt I don't want to be reminded of my emerging breasts. Stretching my legs, I trekked on.

Thoughts tumbled as I passed dry, root-bound tumbleweeds and gnarled mesquite trees. The sharp exchange between my parents pierced my mind as I avoided prickly pear cactus. A skittish black tarantula hastened to her hole, safe from the burning heat.

I reached the NO TRESPASSING sign at the base of the earthen dam and climbed past it to the top. I settled on a large rock and scanned the horizon for the muddy lake in the distance. An emerald skink flashed in the brush beside me. I hugged my shins, knees pressed against my bosom. Sighing, I beheld my world in the simmering afternoon.

Iowa Winter

2010-01-14T10:26:00.002-06:00

I got this in my email and I just had to share:

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Iowa plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Iowa sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Iowa drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Iowa throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Iowa have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Iowans close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Iowa get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Iowa are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Iowa let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Iowans get upset because they can't start the Snow-mobiles.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Iowa start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Iowa public schools will open 2 hours late.

She

2010-01-07T12:41:00.001-06:00

The feet of crows
lined her eyes

The lilt of laughter
escaped her lips

The shadow of love lines
etched her hands

She departed one day
leaving only memories
of eyes, lips, hands

Don't be Lame

2009-12-30T20:53:00.007-06:00

"And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word." I Kings 18:21

I'm wrestling with some things. Trying to settle some things in my heart… my head… my life. I was reading some verses in my Bible that applied and I remembered this one. Something struck me this time that I had never thought of before. That word "halt" is the same word that often is used as a biblical synonym for lame. Elijah asked the people how long they were going to limp back and forth between two opinions.

Several years ago, I experienced a series of events that were difficult. In seeking Bible answers that time, I clung to Hebrews 12, especially verse 13: "And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed." I worked on following straight ways while I regained my strength. Much like a sprained ankle, my heart was wounded and needed support while it healed.

I don't want to be lame. I don't want to be turned out of the way. I don't want to halt between two opinions. I want to follow the LORD.

Family Traits

2009-12-24T08:52:00.003-06:00

My grandfather was the king of yarn-spinners. Everyone, even us grandkids called him Sug because he was so sweet but he could tell a tale. Do you know that once he once drove from his home in Kansas City, Missouri to our home in Texas (a trip of 730 miles) without stopping ONCE!? Every traffic light on the way was green! Then there was the time at he was the cook at Boy Scout camp and they ran out of food so he had to go hunting. They had lion and bear and.... There is definitely a "lyin" in that story.

My mom picked up the tradition where Sug left off. She swore to her dying day that there was a crow in her neighborhood that had a 5-foot wingspan. (The common crow has a wingspan maximum of about two feet.)

So it was, that my mother was so very excited when the mantle of yarn-spinner fell on her grandson. My nephew Bryan was about 5 when we took him and his younger brother Chris on an outing in the country. We went to a blueberry patch and picked blueberries. After that we drove around and looking at scenery. We passed a side road and Bryan asked why we couldn't go down that road. My Hero was teasing him and told him it was dangerous to go down that road because there were cows that ate cars.

The story exploded from there. When we got home, Bryan ran to his Nanny and told her that he saw cows eating cars. This one cow even ate a minivan! Upon hearing the story, my mother embraced him and declared "My boy!!!"

Who knew that Bryan was right and somewhere, there really must be car-eating cows?

I have a scar

2009-12-23T14:43:00.004-06:00

On the inside of my upper right arm, there is a tiny little scar. It's only about a centimeter across. Three years ago today, I joyfully left the hospital in time to go home for Christmas. After cheating death a couple of times in the previous three weeks, I was so happy to go home.

But I went home with a PIC line. It's a semi-permanent IV. Twice a day, I had to hook myself up to IV medication to continue to fight the fungal buggies and infection that had invaded my body and my blood.

It seems like such a long time ago now but for almost two months, I had that tube in my arm. I learned to clean it and care for it and avoid pulling on it accidentally.

Now there is only the scar. It is a reminder of so many things. Most of all, it reminds me to be thankful for each and every day.

My car got smacked in the parking lot of the grocery store this weekend. You know what? It's only a car. With the winter weather, my knee has been killing me. You know what? I am thankful I can walk!

Like anyone, I can allow myself to focus on the annoyances and inconveniences of life, but I have scars to remind me otherwise. Scars can be good.

Snowflakes

2009-12-20T13:35:00.001-06:00

by Snowflake Bentley

My Hero is FIFTY today

2009-12-19T09:02:00.004-06:00

THE JOYS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

10. You get into a heated argument about pension claims.

11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

14. You sing along with the elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

A Long Way From Home

2009-12-17T10:02:00.003-06:00

I was bundling Beau up to go outside the other day: longjohns, winter socks, snow pants, mittens, hat, scarf, boots. I was struck with wonder. What was "I" doing here? I'm from the West Texas desert. Cold is below 40°!

The Christmas that I was 9, my Nanny sent us a box of presents. I excitedly opened mine and was instantly confused. I had no idea what this strange item was.

After several minute of examining the gift from every angle, I finally asked Mom. "Oh," she exclaimed, "those are ear muffs!"

"Ear what?"

"Ear muffs."

"What are they for?"

"They are for keeping your ears warm?"

"Why? Why would you need to keep your ears warm?"

I think I used them once.

☀

Once a week, I volunteer at Beau's school in a literacy program. I have a couple of second graders who I read with. We sit in the hallway and read and play some word games.

This morning, I looked down the hall and this is what I saw:

And again, I was struck. Where I'm from, this is seasonal footwear!

I really am a long way from home.

My Dogs

2009-12-16T10:45:00.003-06:00

Brody, my 17-month old Lab/Golden Retriever mix

Birdie, my six-year-old mutt who hogs the space heater!

I never cease to wonder

2009-12-15T09:02:00.002-06:00

Who will vacuum?

2009-12-14T08:55:00.004-06:00

Surgery had been 5 days earlier. I wasn't recovering as quickly as I hoped, but then again I had been so sick for so long… Now I couldn't hold down food and I was running a fever. The doctor ordered a couple of tests and then they appeared in my room. She told me I needed surgery and gave me papers to sign. When I asked when, the answer was now. The orderlies wheeled me out into the hall and into an elevator while I was on my cell phone calling my Hero to tell him what was going on.

A perforated bowel… surgery… right now… get here when you can… I love you. The doctor took my phone out of my hand and talked to him for a minute.

Into the operating room we whisked. I listened to the clattering of the equipment as it was manuevered into place and watched the competent team go about their preparation. When the other doctors arrived, they called my Hero again. They muttered into the phone and then let me talk to him once more. "I love you, too."

Everything was almost ready and in those final moments before the anesthesia mask was placed over my face, I understood that this might be it. My chances of waking up in heaven were 90%.

I used to wonder what thoughts raced through your mind if you were facing death. I'm probably not normal (watch the snickering!) but I wondered if Beau would even remember me. I wondered who would take care of my Hero. I wondered who would vacuum. I also talked to Jesus for a couple of minutes. I had sinned—probably way more than my share, but I dont' konw, it just seemed insincere to go through a bunch of confession right then. I told Him I loved Him. I told Him I was ready if He was but I'd really like to stay here a bit longer.

He let me stay (obviously). Three years ago today, the anesthesia mask descended on my face and I fell asleep singing "My Lord knows the way through the wilderness…" I take so much less for granted now. Every joy, every sorrow, every smile, every tear—all are precious because every one is a bonus.

And when I vacuum, I smile.

Half Empty or Half Full?

2009-12-11T10:19:00.012-06:00

View from my back door, Wednesday, December 9 about 7 am.

There are few things that cause me to suffer more criticism than the fact that I love the snow! Family, friends, co-workers, and even random strangers are aghast when they find out that I want it to snow in winter.

Don't get me wrong, I know the downside of the snow. I've shoveled. I've inched my way to work over snow-packed roads. Last year, I even fell and left a body mark in the snow against the side of my car and wound up under the car. But I still love it. I love every snowflake—the more the better.

I love the muffled quiet as the snow falls.

I love the sparkling sunshine when the storm is over and the sun comes out.

I love the piles of white covering the deadness of the winter grass.

I love the joy on my Beau's face when he looks out the window and sees the snow.

I love the Bible verses about snow:

Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow?

Job 38:22

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than SNOW.

Psalms 51:7

She is not afraid of the SNOW for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet.

Proverbs 31:21

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as SNOW; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Isaiah 1:18

For as the rain cometh down, and the SNOW from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

Isaiah 55:10

I love the snow because I choose to remember the things about it that I love. I don't watch the first snowflake fall and begin to worry about driving, or shoveling, or falling. My glass isn't even half full… it's overflowing!

Honest, I write lots of posts…

2009-12-09T09:59:00.003-06:00

… in my head!

I just haven't seem to find the time to come here and type them out.

It's not even that I live some frantically busy life either. I've just been slacking.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We went to Chicago to the McDonald's Thanksgiving Day parade. We rode the Metra into downtown and Beau had the time of his life. Then on our way back home, we stopped at Popeye's Chicken and had "Thanksgiving Dinner"! We love Popeye's and there isn't one where we live.

No, really, I made turkey and all the trimmings on Friday and we just enjoyed a quiet day. No Black Friday shopping for us. We had even DVR'd the Macy's parade so we could watch it on Friday while dinner was cooking.

It snowing and freezing here today. I need to post pictures of all our adventures, but the computer I use to do that is in the basement office and it's COLD down there today. Hopefully, I'll do that when the wind isn't blasting through the cracks.

I'm going to try to post regularly. I'm still here.

Pasta Roll-ups

2009-11-10T09:49:00.006-06:00

We had these for dinner last night and they were O-so-good!

1 egg, beaten
15 oz. Ricotta Cheese
2 cups shredded cheese (I used Mozzerella)
1 Tbsp. Italian seasoning
1 jar (26 oz.) spaghetti sauce, divided
16 lasagna noodles, cooked
1/4 cup Grated Parmesan Cheese

HEAT oven to 375ºF.

MIX first 4 ingredients until well blended.

SPREAD 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce onto bottom of 13x9-inch baking dish. Spread each noodle with 3 Tbsp. cheese mixture; roll up. Place, seam-sides down, in dish. Top with remaining sauce and Parmesan; cover.

BAKE 40 to 50 min. or until heated through, uncovering the last 10 min.

Grrr!

2009-10-14T10:42:00.002-05:00

My Lord Knows the Way

2009-10-13T10:25:00.003-05:00

Last night, Beau was having trouble falling asleep. I called him to my lap and he lay there for a bit while I rubbed his back and sang to him. (This is when Nana skills are necessary.)

I sang some of the same songs I have sung to him since he was born, some of the same songs I used to sing to his mother when I would scratch her back while she fell asleep.

I sang Sunday School songs. The songs I learned when I wasn't even as old as he is now. Songs that comfort my heart to this day.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

Strength for today is mine all the way

And all that I need for tomorrow.

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

AND

He's able! He's able! I know He's able!

I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

He's able! He's able! I know He's able!

I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

He heals the broken hearted,

And He sets the captive free.

He makes the lame to walk again,

And he makes the blind to see.

He's able! He's able! I know He's able!

I know my Lord is able to carry my through.

AND

When we walk with the Lord,

In the light of His word,

What a glory He sheds on our way.

While we do His good will,

He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey,

For there's no other way,

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey.

Beau fell asleep. I felt much better. It's a win-win.

Beau Singing

2009-10-05T08:49:00.002-05:00

We were in the Teacher Store this weekend buying some stuff for a bulletin board I did at church (photos of that later). Beau saw this flip chart that they used in kindergarten while they were doing their color unit and sang for us!

He's growing up so fast and yet, he's still so little. Every time I play this, it makes me smile.

Word Cloud

2009-10-02T15:04:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged much lately. I'm working on getting back into the routine. In the meantime, here's a word cloud of the most common words on my blog.

A Giveaway

2009-09-28T20:26:00.004-05:00

Through one blogging friend, I found a giveaway on Gene's blog! I'd love to win this Fat Quarter.

So saunter on over to Gene's blog and look around, and I guess it's okay if you enter, too, but I'm going to win!

Kindergarten Ups and Downs

2009-09-25T19:48:00.005-05:00

Beau loves kindergarten. He's gone for five weeks and I think he's only woke up one day and wanted to stay home. That's a pretty good record.

His class has a behavior chart. It's a caterpillar that looks like this one:

All the kids start the day out with a clothespin on the green smiley segment. If they break a classroom rule, they move their clip down to the plain green section. We all deserve a second chance right. Subsequent problems move the clip on down. Yellow, orange, and red have different consequences.

Most days, Beau gets green. In fact, most days he gets "smiley-face green." But this week, he had trouble. He and a couple of other boys got in some kind of competitive tussles for a couple of days. We talked to him. My Hero went and talked to the teacher. I prayed with Beau each morning before he went to school asking Jesus to help him choose right.

And Yay!!!! Both yesterday and today, Beau came home with green. He's proud of himself and I'm thankful for the chance to watch him grow.

Those moments

2009-09-05T17:35:00.002-05:00

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. […]"
Psalm 142: 3

We all have them. We all have those indescribable moments. The times we just could not imagine ahead of time, fathom in the moment, or describe in recollection.

I've had many of them.

When I was eleven years old, I came home one spring day to find my mother hanging from a noose made of pantyhose. She wasn't dead. She was hanging from the closet rod and the pantyhose were too stretchy. I took the scissors from her sewing machine and cut her down. She didn't look at me. She looked beyond me. I stood in that moment and finally said, "It won't work if they are stretchy." I was eleven. I didn't know what else to say. We never spoke of it again.

When I was twenty-two, I had another moment. I sat on a toilet and held the remains of what was my child born out of time. He was so very tiny. He was almost unrecognizable. But I knew who he was. I sat in stunned silence. My husband was at work and this was long before the age of cell phones. Without my husband, I said goodbye.

When I was thirty-eight, my brother burst into the church building after services on a Sunday night. When he caught sight of me, he began to wail, "Momma's dead! Momma's dead!" I thought he had suffered a nervous breakdown. My husband grabbed him and took him into a classroom. As I stood in the doorway and looked at my husband's face, time warped. An eternity took place in mere seconds. This time she was dead. I didn't know how to react.

There've been too many more moments.

I stood in the front yard while one daughter and her boyfriend told me she was pregnant.

A phone call informed me that another daughter had moved to Mexico and left no contact information.

Word came that one daughter had left college in the middle of the night with her boyfriend and no one knew where they were.

Yet another daughter cursed us and drove away. While I watched the car disappear down the street, I wondered if I would ever see her again.

One night, I lay on an operating table. The doctor handed me the phone and told me she had gotten ahold of my husband on the cell phone and I needed to talk to him before they put me under. The words weren't spoken but everyone in the room knew that it could very well be the last time he ever heard my voice or I his. When I handed the phone back to the nurse and lay back on the table waiting for the anesthesiologist to do his thing, so many moments crowded my thoughts only to give way to one... So is this it? Will I wake up in heaven?

Every one of those of moments remind me of one thing, my circumstances are just that... circumstances. They don't define me, make me, or even break me. Circumstances can reveal who I am, but they can not determine who I am.

I am a born-again child of God. In every one of those moments, I was not alone. My Father was with me upholding me with His strong right hand.

I'm forty-eight. I lived through those moments because He was with me. And He still Is.

"The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence. I will call on the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. When the waves of death compassed me, the floods of ungodly men made me afraid; The sorrows of hell compassed me about; the snares of death prevented me; In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears."
II Samuel 22:2-7

It just dawned on me

2009-09-02T17:51:00.002-05:00

I finished another crocheted blanket for my lil'man grandson last week. I was in such a hurry to ship it off to him that I didn't even take a picture. Well, I can tell you that it was very cute and I was quite pleased with the result.

I'm currently working on three other afghans, a couple to sell on Etsy and one for a Christmas present. Hopefully, I will remember to take pictures of these.

Swimming

2009-09-02T10:38:00.006-05:00

I'm not skinny. I don't know if I will ever be skinny, but I can lose weight. So I'm watching what I eat and I'm swimming. So, you will note the Swimming Calorie Calculator in the right column. It makes me feel better to see the "results" of my work.

It's gonna be a long road or lap lane.

But, while I'm in the pool I love it. It is so refreshing for me to have that private thought time. While going up and back (today 20 times up and back —1000 yards) I can sort through the day and things to come. I love the water and I love the solitude.

So for some time to come my morning thought is "Chlorine: the breakfast of champions."

I have a confession

2009-08-28T11:40:00.003-05:00

It's something I've been covering up for years.

First, I used my own children as an excuse. Now I use my grandchildren. But I can't keep denying it forever.

I am a child at heart.

When I was young, I would stare for hours at the clouds, the horned toads, the spider building her web. Then I thought I had to "grow up." Grown ups didn't lie on their belly in the grass staring at clover flowers. Grown ups didn't lie under a tree fascinated by the patterns the sun made on the leaves gently dancing in the soft breeze.

I figured out, though, that grown ups could lie beside an 8-year-old daughter or a 4-year-old grandson and do those things and call it "education." But sometimes, there isn't a kid available and I stumble across something captivating.

At 48, it's time to face it.... I never lost the wonder. This cicada had just emerged from its skin and was drying its new wings before it flew away. I sat down and watched (and took pictures)... without a child anywhere around.

I loved it.

And the winner is.....

2009-08-24T10:26:00.004-05:00

momwithboys!!!!

Send me your address and your Baby Whozit will be on the way!

Full Surrender

2009-08-22T09:40:00.002-05:00

This was in my reading of Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles Cowman. Every verse spoke to me of things I have been contemplating lately.

Fearing to launch on "full surrender's" tide,
I asked the Lord where would its waters glide
My little bark, "To troubled seas I dread?"
"Unto Myself," He said.

Weeping beside an open grave I stood,
In bitterness of soul I cried to God:
"Where leads this path of sorrow that I tread?"
"Unto Myself," He said.

Striving for souls, I loved the work too well;
Then disappointments came; I could not tell
The reason, till He said, "I am thine all;
Unto Myself I call."

Watching my heroes--those I loved the best--
I saw them fail; they could not stand the test,
Even by this the Lord, through tears not few,
Unto Himself me drew.

Unto Himself! No earthly tongue can tell
The bliss I find, since in His heart I dwell;
The things that charmed me once seem all as naught;
Unto Himself I'm brought.
--selected

Drawing for Baby Whoozit® on Monday

2009-08-21T11:29:00.001-05:00

Hurry and make your comments on this post and I will be drawing a winner at 10 am on Monday, August 24!

Toys from ebeanstalk and a giveaway

2009-08-19T09:51:00.003-05:00

Picking toys is not easy and there is a toy website called ebeanstalk, dedicated to selecting good, safe baby toys. BUT they need help from moms (and Nanas) like me to help pick the toys. The toy they sent is called "Baby Whoozit®" from Manhattan Toy, who makes great developmental toys Here is the deal on this toy, not only is Baby Whoozit® soft, but he has lots of different textures, patterns and contrasts to stimulate your child. He is also small enough to tuck into a purse or diaper bag to go just about anywhere. The ribbon and velcro loop at the top make it possible to attach Baby Whoozit® to the stroller or carseat.

So make a comment on this post and Baby Whoozit will make his way to your house and your baby!

Oh, and isn't this the cutest grandbaby? My youngest guy is almost three months old already!

First Day of Kindergarten

2009-08-14T14:40:00.006-05:00

When Beau was only two, he saw the school bus go by and he wanted to ride. He's asked and asked and asked when he could ride the "flat-nose school bus" to kindergarten.

Today was the day.

He got up early and ate his bacon and eggs. (Beau can put away the bacon and eggs!)

And here he is ready to go!

It didn't take long for him to get tired of Nana's Lens.

We all walked down the block to the bus stop to wait. My Hero and Beau talked while they walked.

And finally.... the bus was here and years of waiting had finally paid off!

He never even looked back! So now, I can't wait for him to get home and tell me how it was.

A new chapter begins.

Bits and Pieces

2009-08-03T21:53:00.002-05:00

I haven't been blogging so much lately. Some of it is laziness. Some of it is busy-ness. Most of it is forgetfulness.

I blog in my head several times a day. Then I forget to transcribe my thoughts in electronic form. Wouldn't it be cool if you could blog by thought? (I know there's a word that means that, but I'm too tired to figure it out.)

I'm swimming laps again. I swam 1/2 a mile today. I'm planning on doing it again tomorrow.

Beau starts school in a little more than a week. I can't imagine that I'm old enough to have a grandson in school. Wow.

My Hero is still unemployed. He is going to an orientation class tomorrow to see what job training is available. In the meantime, God has sustained us. We haven't seen blinding miracles, but the cruz of oil has not failed.

Other than those things, my job is fine. No major life drama for a change. Just the daily stuff.

I like it this way.

His first love

2009-07-28T12:17:00.004-05:00

When Beau was 18 months old, I bought him a little wind-up Thomas the Tank Engine. I had no idea what I was starting. It wasn't just a stage or a fad but a passion. Every birthday, Christmas or holiday since, he has asked for trains. Most of our outings with Beau have centered around trains. He was obsessed.

Then it happened. He asked for something else. He discovered Transformers. I smiled because he is growing up, but it was a little bittersweet. I thought that soon, the trains would find their way to the garage to be packed away with memories.

But maybe I thought too soon. Last night the news was on and he was lying in his room, supposedly falling asleep. One of the big stories in our part of the country is the hope of high speed rail connecting us to Chicago. In a flash, a little boy was standing in front of the television asking a million questions...

"What about high speed rail?" "Where will it go?" "When can we ride?" "What kind of engine will it have?"

His passion is still there.

Then this morning, on our way to preschool, we passed a trolley bus. Again, he burst with excitement but I really laughed when he said, "Nana, if you go on toytrains.com and click on trolleys, you could buy me one of those for $3!"

Pretty vivid imagination, huh?

He will grow up. He will play with other toys. He will one day leave the toy aisle for bigger and more expensive things, but I have a sneaking suspicion that even when he's a man, a train will elicit a gleam in those gorgeous brown eyes.

Adoption Day

2009-07-23T11:15:00.004-05:00

Twenty-three years ago on this day, my Hero and I stood in a courtroom in the Tarrant County Courthouse in Fort Worth and finalized the adoption of our first child. We had brought her home when she was only a day old and on this day she was nine months old and finally, legally ours. She has blossomed into a beautiful young woman and I feel privileged to call her my friend. She is also Beau's mommy and that counts for something!

Happy Adoption Day, Girlie!

Email addresses

2009-07-16T10:18:00.002-05:00

Some people really need to rethink their email addresses. Do you really want to send a professional email and have the recipient look at the return email addy and see "fatboy2000"? or "creeperguy"? Seriously?

Some people forget that an Internet identity still leaves an impression that could transfer to "real life".

Frustrations

2009-07-04T23:31:00.002-05:00

The whole getting sick and just general aging thing is really getting to me. God has been so gracious to restore much of my health but I am still not able to do some things I could before I was sick.

I was walking around my house this evening wanting to do some cleaning projects that I just can't do yet. Before 2006/2007 I climbed up in a chair at least three times a year and washed my walls, especially in my kitchen. I can't climb now. Even if I could get up in the chair, I'm afraid I couldn't get down.

So what do I do? I dunno. Does anyone know how to reach up high to clean a wall when you can't climb?

Time is funny thing

2009-06-27T11:06:00.004-05:00

Last year in June, I decided to get a job.

Three years ago in June, I started running a fever. I had no idea that the following twelve months would take me to the precipice of eternity twice.

Five years ago in June, I had just moved to Iowa. I thought my life would never be settled again. (It is wonderful now.)

Ten years ago in June, I talked to my mom on the phone at least twice a day with no thought that she would be gone from this earth in a month.

Fifteen years ago in June, we had one child and began yet another adoption journey that would lead us to adopting five more children in time.

Twenty years ago in June, my Hero was ordained into the pastorate and I became a pastor's wife. That is the subject of a whole book I'm writing.

"Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth."

—Proverbs 27:1

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

—James 4:14